#the Jayce will understand to i have to experiment on my own body with controlled substances pipeline

[tartagilicious]

i stayed there (our minds conjoined)

9:02pm ✧･ﾟ: i should've asked you questions, i should've asked you how to be, 'cause every scrap of you would be taken from me. what died didn't stay dead, you're alive in my head. all your closets of backlogged dreams, and now you left them all to me.

-> so, my demons won LMAO - this story's details to tie into a previous work, right where you left me , but it can be read stand-alone! happy new years to everyone, this is my gift to you <3 / cw: death of a loved one, heavy angst.

-> synopsis: despite your best efforts, sickness is inevitable. your time together after you'd arrived back in piltover had been short-lived, and after viktor's condition takes him from you, you are left with the heavy promises you'd made to a dying man. the locket around your neck, a treatment that you were unable to devise in time, everything you'd vowed to do in his death is a piece of the puzzle towards solidifying the dream you'd always shared -- a life in death, and a dedication to the person who had urged you on all your life.

you hadn’t left the labs in days.

a part of your subconscious begs your body to take you somewhere new, somewhere that signs of the man’s existence aren’t so ripe — but your inability to comprehend everything keeps you planted.

jayce had accompanied you the first few days after the tragedy, suggesting that you move his friend's belongings to the side while offering himself up to listen to your grievances.

and your old self would have jumped at the offer of getting everything applicable to your lover out of your sight. no progress can be made if you’re stuck in the past. the motto of piltover has come to mind several times in the last couple of days, but humans aren’t such simple creatures.

it just wasn’t what you wanted.

you didn’t want to forget. perhaps you could move on eventually, or maybe you might take the sadness of viktor’s passing to your own grave. but whether each of those futures come to pass, you want to mourn him correctly, in the way that he deserves.

though, you aren’t quite sure how to get to that step.

as you sit idly on a stool in the lab, your lips thin in apprehension. there has been an ever-present tightness stuck in your chest ever since jayce came rushing into the lab a few days ago, speaking so quickly you could barely understand him. yet, you can still perfectly recall the moment at which your stomach dropped.

it had always been beyond viktor's control, his sickness. no matter the roundabout ways he attempted to cure it, tried to treat it and heal it, nothing acted as he wanted it to -- as you wanted it to. you'd promised on the day you met again that you would do whatever it took to save him, and yet, not even your minds conjoined had been enough.

every day, you wonder if there is something out there that you missed. some detail or phenomena that would give you the key to saving your lover’s life. had you not returned to him from silco’s clutches, would he have found a solution on his own? would he have found a more competent partner to assist him?

but, you know he would never blame you for the lack of a treatment — viktor might even scold you for having such thoughts. though of course, he will never again be there to hoist you out of your worries again.

your bottom lip shakes with unshed tears as your mind and body turn to mush.

it is your fault. you’d had ample opportunity to research a cure for him. almost a year had passed since you first reunited again, but you had been so preoccupied with indulging in the time you'd missed to realise the gravity of your futile searches -- all you could do was let the failed experiments pile up, even as viktor’s condition began to worsen.

a shaking hand reaches up to grip the locket that hangs from your neck, though you still aren't used to its absence. it had always been an object of importance concerning the two of you, containing a crudely cut picture that dated back to the first working invention you’d created together. but, you can barely even muster a smile as the image of a boat between your tiny arms materialises in your head.

you were only children then, creating only to satisfy your curiosity about the world. it’s truly cruel to think about how he had gone out doing the very thing that had brought you together, desperation fuelling him until the very end.

although he had given the piece of jewellery back to you fairly easily when you’d reunited outside the council room, it still felt wrong to wear it on your person. for so long, it had been a sign of your bond from afar. of your promise to always find your way back to him, no matter the problems that chased you.

it’s the very reason you had chosen to leave it with him.

you had made up your mind to leave one last promise to viktor before he had passed on, tucked in the form of a tiny locket in his shaking palm.

“you—“

he had tried to stop you, to give the piece of jewellery back to you while you still sat in front of him. but you refused. viktor had always said it was a physical symbol of your will to return to him, so the last time he reminded you of its connection to you, you explained that its original purpose wouldn’t be so easily forsaken.

“we will meet again.” you had assured him quietly, a tight smile twisting your lips as he frowned. viktor’s physical condition had been among the first signs that his sickness was progressing, and its full effects were visible in his last days.

the golden eyes you loved drooped with exhaustion even as he offered you a smile. the breathing tube that assisted him beeped faintly in the background.

“but,” you said it quietly in an attempt to hold back your sadness, but it had always been a useless game. viktor dropped the locket into his lap just to take your hand, thumbing away your tears with careful precision. “i’m afraid you’ll have to wait a lot longer to give this back to me this time.”

he mumbled your name gently, a sigh leaving his bruised lips -- yet another sign of his quickly impending fate.

"you have always been too sentimental." viktor mused, gaze training on the necklace on his lap before it flitted back up to your face. the words he said were chastising, but the look that traced his features was lined with grief.

he squeezed your hand as tightly as his body would allow.

viktor looked you in the eye as he promised, "i will return it, but i will do so when i am healthy again. is this something you'd like to refute?"

"...i'm sorry." head dropping over your conjoined hands, you sobbed quietly even as he placed a warm palm on your head. "i'll keep working, vik. i won't let anything happen to you. i promise."

hesitantly, his hand slid down to cup your cheek, forcing you to meet his gaze. you knew what you must've looked like -- eyes rimmed with red, cheeks puffed, and lips forever downturned into a regretful frown. but viktor's gaze on you has never been judging.

you whispered. "i love you."

"i know." he breathed, "i know."

however, your bad luck must have followed you from the slums of the undercity, because there was no saving viktor once his subconscious began to slip. you still doubt there's another feeling like it, the crushing sensation that came over the room the moment you watched the light leaving his eyes.

everything in you wanted to look away, to spare yourself the sight. but you were stuck even as the hand that wasn't tucked in yours unfurled, revealing a familiar piece of jewellery pressed into his palm.

a hand flew over your mouth as you choked out a sob. the locket that sat tucked into his palm seemed to mock you, reminding you that the next time you meet, it would likely be in another plane of existence.

but for now, you're simply back in the lab -- alone and waiting for change, waiting for the off chance that your lover will walk through the door and assure you that everything had simply been a bad dream. only, the lack of jewellery on your neck is enough to remind you it will never happen.

because the locket had been buried alongside viktor after all. the chain was wrapped intricately around his palm, almost as if to imply that it would remain there forever —and so long as you are not in the plot next to him, you believe it will.

it has always been your dream to better the lives of the people in the undercity, a goal that viktor had breathed new life into the moment he'd met you on the river bank all that time ago.

had you told your younger self that the shy boy you had to fight words from would grow into the man you would do anything for, you would have laughed. but it's true, viktor will always be your motivation to go on, and the reason you do what you do.

all he had ever wanted was to be remembered for his contributions. and while you will certainly never forget him, the duty of seeing that no one else does has fallen to you -- and as long as you continue to work, a piece of him will live on.

because everything you work to create, everything you spend long nights trying to piece together, is a product of his ingenious executions in you. it was your promise to him from beyond the grave: that you would never let his dreams of a better world falter.

so, you throw yourself into work not long after the day of his burial passes. the first of your advancements, you decide, will be the treatment for his illness that you'd both worked so hard to map out. it isn’t hard to find the basis for such a goal, but most of the time, you assume you will be entirely on your own.

your days are spent experimenting -- waiting for certain solutions to ferment long enough for effects to be visible, or toying with the hextech magic in an attempt to mould it to the frequency you're trying to meet.

jayce had been gracious enough to spare some of his time to help you. as a councilman, his hours are often booked long before you can even think of requesting his assistance, but he is frequently the key in making advancements.

"you're working your brain too hard, it can't even see simple things." jayce says one day, a disapproving frown pulling his dignified expression down. "take a break. you won't be helping anyone in that state."

it was true — anyone looking at you might think you’d contracted the same illness viktor had. sighing, you slump in your stool and let your head fall upon your arms.

“even if i rest..” you trail off, raising a hand half heartedly. “what good will it do? it’s like my brain has been rewired, i can’t think about anything else anymore.”

jayce is silent at your profession for a few minutes.

“…he would’ve wanted you to keep yourself healthy.”

blinking, your expression deflates, and you’re suddenly glad that your face his hidden from jayce’s view.

“that’s not fair at all.” you mutter bitterly, clearing your face and pushing yourself up to side eye the hextech creator. “viktor wanted a lot of things, jayce.”

he shrugs, deftly changing the subject. “even so, this is something i want too. will you turn me down?”

you begrudgingly lay your head in your lap once again, only intending to shut your eyes until jayce has taken his guard-like eyes off of you. but, against your own wishes, you fall into a deep sleep rather quickly.

there has been an influx of nights like this, ever since viktor’s passing — a ceremony of refusal and the eventual process of giving in, even if it’s not of your own volition. it’s a ruthless cycle that only inflames the pain in your chest.

but eventually, your dedication finally pays off.

it’s a muggy day in the city of progress, a thin sheen of moisture covering every available surface. the waves lap eagerly at the riverbanks far below as you enter the lab for the day. the sounds have always been fairly noticeable, but perhaps the degree of your findings has spurred a more emotional reaction from the familiar waters.

you follow a regular routine — hanging your coat on a rack made from repurposed metal scraps, then cranking open a window to rid the room of any unpleasant scents that linger. occasionally, if you let yourself, you’ll take a look at some of viktor’s more unfinished gadgets. but, it’s a rare occurrence.

in this instance, you waste no time.

you’d been hopeful recently, spurred on by the small developments in your solution. you’d taken great care in combining piltover’s modern medicine with the hextech’s magic, and piece by piece, your work had begun to show.

your newest sample sits protected in a small glass enclosure, wherein the arcane invention’s modified form mingles with any bacteria from the undercity you’d deemed harmful. you’d collected it through various means; and though not every specimen you gathered over time was what you were looking for, you had gleaned more than enough in the end.

ironically, you were fairly confident that this round’s result would fail, just as every other one had. but the low expectations don’t keep you from stopping in your tracks once you notice the unusual absence of residual bacteria in the container.

your mouth opens and closes as you work to formulate an explanation. curious hands lift the box to find the engraved number on the bottom, proving that it is indeed the same sample you’d set out a few days before.

setting it down, you crouch to be eye level with the enclosure. truly, the surface is completely clear for all but the slight blue tint of hextech magic that remains. your lips thin as a possibility comes to mind:

have you finally succeeded?

over the next few days, you eagerly put the arcane solution through various tests. jayce is hardly available to give a hand, being largely MIA due to the duties imposed on him by the council. you don’t blame him, of course, but the nervous tick of your throat doesn’t stop, not as long as you’re not confident that your solution is perfect.

four days later, you’re leaning from an open window, thick breath visible in the winter air. there are a few more tests to conduct, a combination of routes to take until you’re absolutely sure – but you’re unable to think of any more applicable procedures. you’d already gone through testing different types of bacteria, even the niche category of temperature had been visited.

it’s in moments like these that you truly realise viktor is gone for good. in the past, it was always exceptionally easy to find yourself in a slump and expect your lover to be lingering around, more than willing to assist. the both of you would always find yourself in similar situations, looking for that other set of eyes that had served well for years.

jayce is hardly a suitable substitute.

it’s out of the question to take a breather, but there is a period where you can’t muster the energy to even enter the lab. you’re fairly sure that the solution is what you’re looking for, but being medicinal, there are still many steps you need to take before it can reach those who need it.

however, when the sixth and final solution holds strong, all of those variables seem to vanish.

angry-half red moons settle into the thinner layers of your skin as you clench your fists, but not even the pain is enough to keep your emotions at bay. your heart quickly swells and you aren’t sure of its nature – excitement, relief, and even anger breaks loose in the form of hot tears.

you had been a mere two months too late to save him. two months. viktor had lived a decent life, but such a short period of time is unfortunately menial in the grand scheme of things. if you had taken that time earlier, perhaps he would be standing next to you now.

a stray palm wipes furiously at your eyes, keeping your tears of regret at bay for as long as you can muster.

but, at the very least, if you cannot help him, you will see that others like him do not share the same fate.

when you are finally able to muster the composure necessary to contact jayce, he is gracious in his arrival. you had ceased contacting him for an extended period of time, mostly assuming that he’d be too busy otherwise, and also simply not requiring his help. maybe his eagerness to attend to you is what made him apologise so profusely.

though, when jayce finally simmers down, you show him what you’d been working on. there are around six samples that have since piled up, and even at a glance, they seem perfect. he sneaks a glance at you as you take a step forward.

“...i don’t understand, they’re empty.”

you can’t help a smile as your careful hand groups the samples. “yes, that’s exactly it.”

viktor may be physically gone, but in spirit, he will always be with you.

it's why, after months of careful research, you had tearfully noted his name on your very first patent -- just as stubbornly as he had once noted yours. because the arcane solution in front of you, it is as much his work as it was yours.

weeks later, after the arcane solution has been passed under the eyes of the council, it is patented as a working medicine. it is advertised as something to treat the side effects of illnesses caused by the pollution of the undercity, and while a plethora of potential symptoms exist, the medicine you’ve created seeks out the root – eliminating the biggest problems before they can extend.

and even if the world forgets, you will always remember the cause of so many relieved patients, of the thanks you’ve received from their lovers and friends. your treatment has saved many, though it is a bitter feeling.

“i’m sure you’ve caught wind of this already.” you stand loosely, noting the fresh headstone in front of you. you had created the solution to save lives, and yet, the stone is undeniable proof that you’d been unable to help the one person who needed it most.

viktor’s grave lies in a private area, a few mere turns away from the alcove he had grown up in. you are amongst the most frequent of visitors for obvious reasons, but for now, he is celebrated. it warms your heart to notice frequent people pointing, recognising the name engraved.

“but i did it.” you admit quietly, unable to look directly at the grave. it’s almost as if viktor’s own eyes watch you while you talk, his influence evident in the way the trees shake in the wind above you. “i told you i’d keep working.”

maybe fate has something planned for everyone. you dread to think that viktor’s death had been unavoidable, but the cruel truth is that you will never know otherwise. you are only capable of taking the next steps forward, stepping away from your grievances and moving with the times – in the current of the city of tomorrow.